Third Choice Team of Superheroes On Sunday

        I would like to say a big thank you to all the players who turned up on Sunday (at short notice), to play in the 'Keith Duckett Memorial Trophy'. Not knowing what to expect, we got the unexpected - rules - loads of rules. Playing LBW, only 2 players outside a circle for the 1st 6 overs, then 4 for the last 16 overs, only a 10 yard run up for the bowlers. No balls and wides counting as 2 runs and no extra ball (except the last over), being timed out when getting to the crease, and only 75 minutes to bowl 20 overs.

       Things started well, by winning the toss and  being told to field first. Cromparks opening pair put on over a hundred before they got bored. The first player retired, and the second was given out LBW  to a ball that would have missed 2nd slip. Wickets were taken by Paul Rhodes(2) and Andy Norris(3), who were helped by 3 stumpings by the much injured and better wicket keeper Gary Baines. Mick earned himself a fielding point for the most spectacular/useless full speed dive ever seen in a Woodside shirt. They finished on 167 off 20 overs.  Paxford(3) and Rhodes(16) opened without too much success, and were followed by good innings from Peter Jackson(40) and the soon to be married Johnathon Parkinson(36). The remaining batsmen didnt trouble the scorers too much and finished 30 runs short.

     The 2nd game against the Presidents XI carried on in the same way. After 3 early wickets from 'J P', and a first ball that went in the opening batsmens eggs, Khurran 'one shot' Rashid hit 78 - one shot going to the mid wicket boundery for 6, one shot going to fine leg for 4 etc etc etc etc. Not even a smack in the mouth by Paxford(again), could stop the onslaught. They reached 178 off 19 overs(slow over rate due to looking in the bushes for all Rashids bounderies). The wickets were taken by 'J P' (3), Rhodes(2) and another for Norris. With not much hope, we sent in 'postie mick' who was sent back by a 'first class delivery'. Jim Stead top scored with 40, and was assisted by 'J P' with 26, and 24 from Paxford. Everybody got a bat in this innings without too many runs being scored. We finished about 50 runs short, which wasn't a bad effort.

        The barbecue and the bar were running all day for charity, and the warriors donated plenty of time and money to a worthy cause. We have been invited to play again next year, and also hope to arrange 2 games against crompark during the season. 

                                                 THANKS AGAIN TO ALL WHO PLAYED

                                                                           GARY (best captain ever)

ps who left a pair of white trainers with a cigarette lighter in them?

pps Temporary Vice Captain Jim says, 'Very proud of our third choice team, particularly because we didn't get pissed between matches 1 and 2. Mr Baines on the other hand was clearly stabbing Tom in the back and was trying to take his position with his treacherous three stumpings'.

Tom last night (on right) (or left)

Woodside Warriors were left in fits of laughter reeling last night when vice captain Tom refused to play for the Woodies at Ilkley, preferring instead to wreck fit wardrobes to his mother in laws house. The Woodies were left with a highly injured replacement keeper in Baines who proved vastly superior to the Polish comedian. Baines employed a new technique of clasping the ball between each glove in a sort of catching fashion, a highly effective changing from the 'off the knee onto the chin or over the shoulder' method that we're used to.

Captain Kunz surprisingly lost the toss for the 37th time this season and we were sent into field. The match was shortened to 17 overs because of the ever encroaching August nights. The Woodies bowled with typical efficiency, especially with the highly trained new keeper behind the stumps. Two stand in players got a chance to show off their skills, young James (who bowled against his dad) and Posty Mick (who got hit for less than you might have thought). The Overoptimists were limited to a reasonable (given the reduced overs and long boundaries) 91.

In a rare break from convention Captain Kunz opened the batting instead of going number 5, and set off at great rate of knots, hitting 3 boundaries off the first over. At the other end Dovey found some form for the first and last time this season, hitting 2 sixes and actually retiring.

Highlight of the Woodside innings, however was the ever comical Andy Norris. In his electric, 9 over innings, Noz demonstrated his range of shots (hit or miss) and dazzling footwork.

Andy's Mammoth Innings in the scorebook, I assume they're 11's not 1's....

Eventually, running for all of his 13 singles and one 3 took it's toll on the young buck and he was runout after basically giving up.

The Woodies were steered to victory by the old hands of Jacko and Jim with two overs to spare. Generously, the overoptimists had put on a BBQ for those who weren't re-enacting PG Tips adverts from the 70's.

Ste Stead's Double Clonk and Graze Fielding Injury

There is also a game against Ilkley next Wednesday (the 25th), although getting a team together may be a struggle.

As far as I'm aware Paxy, Dovey and Tom are unavailable (at least quantity will be the only problem not quality).

JK and Noz are maybe's as well.

Not quite the last fixture.  We hava a game on the 29 August at Highroyds starting at 9.30 am with BBQ, Beer entertainment oh yes and some Cricket.

Put it in your diary and ensure you all turn up on time.

Fixture opposite Harry Ramsden's  so still ok for Fish butties!!!!

The Woodies last game of the season against Haworth West End finished in total blackness and total farce. Batsmen Jim and Paul where left in the dark about how many balls remained as were most of our team and at least one umpire. Jim is still too upset by the incident to write a full review and has only written this to :

a) Thank the Woodies for a great season which he has really enjoyed (because he wasn't that crap this year).

b) Say farewell to top bowler JP who left for a life in Nottingham taking 3 wickets in his last game

c) Remind everyone that Tom dropped a sitter

WELL DONE WOODIES

St Marks recieved a cricketting beating last night when Woodside, sans Kunz, began the chase for trophies as awards season (night) approached.

Kunz made a brave attempt for 'Prat of the year' (or whatever we call it) by shamelessly wearing a helmet IN THE NETS. Is there no bowels of depravity to which this man will reach? Not only that but he forced his team to arrive early in the nets from 5.30. He then invoked that old 3 over rule chestnut.

Kenny refused to play because he was 'protecting his averages', a decision which he may begin to rue as Jim Stead got another 27 not out as he chased Kenny's lead in the averages.

Paul Rhodes made an audacious bid to rob Ste Stead (sheepishly quiet after dropping helmet boy Kunz), of his monopolised Bleater of the Year trophy as he moaned nonsensically for about an hour when Snowy gave a wide against him.

Andy Norris declared himself 'the best there's ever been' as he got another 2 wickets with his washing machine style of bowling nonsense.

The Woodies batted first, opening with an injured Baines and Brian who went on to top score after loan fielder Jim Stead dropped a dolly-drop an almost impossible catch. Jacko came in and scored plenty for a change, as did Jim 'you wont find me protecting my averages' Stead.

A brief comedy interlude came from Andy's mate Ron, (who is in the running for the smallest contribution made for the Woodies award with Dovey), as he hit himself in the chin and fell and hurt his knee on the second ball. Luckily, his chin is apparently made from titanium, unluckily, his knees are made from cottage cheese (the only cheese guaranteed to please).

Paxy nurdled us all to death in another 'averages protection racket' at the other end only to be joined by part timer Drewster who courageously thwacked a four in one of the two balls he faced. We finished on 150ish.

The Woodies bowled in a generally efficient style. Paul was a bit wayward early on but recovered but shouting and bleating about wides and that. Once a year man Drewster, bowled with unusual style and poise and got a wicket when batsmen tried to hoof one over Paxy's head. Somehow Paxy caught it and earned himself some fielding respect at last.

Ste Stead dropped Kunz (of all people), off Brian's bowling to much abuse from his team-mates. It was a remarkably similar drop to Jim's earlier prompting comments about some genetic catching deficiency in the Stead family tree.

In a hardly shocking move, Brian decided to BAT FOR BOTH SIDES. However, his St Marks stint was less successful as Jim proved to be better at bowling than fielding with Paul catching him out now that he had finally stopped whining on about wides.

Ste Stead, Baines and Paxy all bowled well and Paxy got ANOTHER spectacular catch. Facing an uphill task for the last 4 overs St Mark's were gifted some runs by Jacko's second wafty bowling stint (since injured Ron couldn't continue). Paxy had an extra over and Andy Norris jangled the nerves for the last few overs as he threw some wides down before bowling Snowy in comedic fashion and then tempting another batsmen to lob one near top fielder Drewster who took a highly confident one-handed catch off the last ball.

Kunz Shamelessly Improving Swing, while JP keeps with his hands dipped in poo

St Mark's cricket were caught last weekend practising as if it's normal, ahead of their match against Woodside on Thursday. Even though many of St Mark's team are also Woodies, their players are seen practising even though it clearly goes against the first and most important of the Woody commandments.

Brian taking a leak on a gravestone in the background

Team looking really fairy-like. Note Kunz fielding wrong way in top right - hand corner

Team appears to contain several redheads, but none are Paxy the one member of Woodside who could do with some practice along with Tom

Roving papparazi, Ste Stead who spied the shocking incident said 'What was most shocking was their brazen disregard of the first commandment -THOU SHALT NOT PRACTICE , that and how camp they looked'.

In honour of Paxy's birthday, I have a special quiz for you all.

How many balls did Jim find in the kit bags on Friday?

(clue: the number is exactly 45 times the amount of runs that Dovey and Jaxy scored on Wednesday)