Woodside Warriors Cricket Club

            Woodside Warriors ageing wicketkeeper has decided to leave the backwaters of Eldwick for the bright lights of Hollywood. After recieving some acclaim for his 'oscar' winning performance as a 'for sale' sign in Emmerdale(friday 11th), he thinks he can do better than he can.

           A nearly close friend says, he was delighted when the director asked him to do 37 takes, to the calls of AGAIN, AGAIN, oh no not AGAIN. Six year old Noah Dingle thanked Tom for the time he took, so that he could celebrate his 18th birthday while Tom perfected his scene.

          A spokesman for the Woodside Warriors was unable to comment due to the celebrations.

Christmas news special!

Doddering wicket keeper Tom Dziedzic's was in the dog house yesterday (or was it woodshed) when he crashed his wifes car into a tree stump - TWICE.

The ageing Polish 'cricketer' then went onto further disgrace as he then tried to blame his wife Beverly (until he was beaten onto submission by the sword of justice and truth,Bev)

After failing to convince reporter Jim Stead of his wife's guilt Tom then went on to through threats about willy-nilly, 'if this gets on the website ill sue you you bastard!' he probably said. Since i was on my works christmas do and was half cut by this time i cant remember much more.

Police are investigating to see if Tom's licence should be withdrawn at last.

Jim finally got his arse into gear and posted some photos to this site of the night out we had 2 weeks ago.

The snaps contain the prestigious awards and trophies given out by master of ceremonies Tom Dziedzic.

Photos can be found here...

Trophy winners of the night as far as i can remember were....

Brian -  Best Batty boy

Brian - Best Bowler

Ste Stead - Best Bleater 2009

Tom - Most Improved Player (?????)

Other trophies went to Tom and Kunz but i cant remember what they were, anyone else remember?

Tom's speeches went down really well to rapturous indifference.

Dovey, Ste Stead, Paxy and Jaxy all failed to turn up, with ss having the only excuse (he was abroad). Jacko was made to stay home and babysit like the jessy he is while his wife Jo was in the pub. She said he didn't like drinking with the 'big boys'.

Later on, crack pool team Jim and Kunz beat all-comers in the Midland, after that it all went hazy and before i knew i was eating a kebab at 2 am with Nick.

TOM GOES SHOPPING

Eagle-eyed vice captain Tom Dziedzic has provided Woodside warriors with a new kit bag at no cost to the club.

Generous Tom, 46, spotted the bargain bag remembering that one of Woodside's bags was past it's best.

When asked which shop he had got it from, Tom, 46, couldn't remember probably because he had been drinking cider on a park bench.

Well Done Tom!

(Please no speeches on Friday)

Bugger, seems like brian and JK really have to do the 25th September, so i think we'll have to do FRIDAY THE 25TH. Anymore stress and i'll happily give up the job.

Ste Stead's fury at being out against St. Marks last week has continued this week when he vented his anger on his brother's car.

The car had been borrowed for a weeks holiday in Devon when the 'slight case of over-reversing' incident occured.

Artist's impression of the incident

Steve was calmed down by his daughter who said, 'Don't cry daddy, it's only a scratch'.

The whole of the congregation of St Marks welcome home their cricketing heros after their series defeat of the mighty Woodside Warriors.

The mighty Woodside warriors set a new world record by playing the lastest in the calender year (27th August) but it proved a game too far.

After magnificantly winning the toss ,stand in captain Andrej Dziedzic was cajoled into putting the Christians into bat first , on the shortest day of the year !

St Marks batted with their normal eratic style with only Brian batting with his usual aplom until he was stumped after being spun round like a spinning top. The centrifugal force nearly brought panic to the universe ,similar to that Switzeland tin pot experiment thingy-me- bob !

Only Snowy hit boundaries in the last over to make a decentish total of 83ish.

Captain Kunz lasted a mere 3 balls and departed for his second duck in succesion much to the delight of the Woodies, esp Tom who cackled like a witch.

His only consolation was a record 6 ducks followed on the test standard pitch ( test being the right word !).

The Woodies started reasonably enough with Baines and Stevie D but then wickets tumbled faster than than Bernard down a grassy slope followed by a bench !

2 Hatricks were avoided but the biggest blow came when Captain Kunz made up for his lack of runs with 2 consecutive catches. One of which was Ste Stead who stormed off the pitch throwing his bat and gloves in a Wragg-esk  like manner.

It still left time for Richard to be not run out and Tom to hit his first boundary of the year.

St Marks won by about a dozen.