Woodside Warriors Cricket Club

The mighty warriors beat a feisty Airedale hospital side on Wednesday. Airedale got a respectable 126 ish on a lumpy but sunny pitch in Sutton. The woodies bowling attack was mediocre apart from Paxy who has decided to start playing again after a few years of crap.

Well done paxy for a change.

The woodies batting attack started with new father Dovernor opening AGAIN with Paxy, while Jim was put about 27th in the batting order, many have wondered what corruption is afoot. We assume Dovey has photos of Tom (possibly with an animal).

The openers tootled along (tootling is abit faster than nurdling but not much) struggling against Airedale's 13 fairweather fielders. In fact Paxy nurdlered 8 (eight) singles before he embarrassingly ran himself out like a flame haired clown. On the plus side he had some spectacular grazes which he earned in a vain dive to reach the crease.

Woodside were still behind the required runrate halfway through newer father Ste Stead's innings. Slowly but surely however, he started gain inspiration from new daughter Ella, either that or Airedale bowling attack got really crap really quickly, and he started to spank them around the park.

Airedales bowling attack on Wednesday around the 12th over

After Ste retired, Woodside cruised to a win with several overs to spare with help from Kunz and JP.

Just some of Paxy's injuries yesterday

The 2009 fixture list has been added to the fixture list page with only half the season already gone.

'Now you can see what matches are ahead, and what matches we should have played by now...' added Jim slightly sheepishly.

Ste Stead's excuse for not playing cricket last thursday was deemed 'just about good enough' by the team as his new baby daughter, Ella popped into the world at 11.26 pm that night.

Congratulations to Steve, Lisa, Sophie and Ella from all the Woodies!

Without Ste, Jacko, Baines, Kunz, Brian and Jp the Woodies struggled a little with their batting against the player thieving St Marks team, Dovey and his mate Richard being the exceptions. We only got about 98 ish, which St Marks got with a couple of overs to go.

Never mind Woodies!

New father Steve Dovey Dovernor gave the world a fielding masterclass last night  with his pants round his ankles. The Woodies were halfway through their match against Menston when a bizarre incident occurred. Jim bowled, then a Menston batsmen played a shot to Dovey who scuttled after it like an exocet, albiet an exocet with its pants down. Dovey blamed his predicament on a bee in his trousers but others believe that becoming a father has finally got to him.

Impressed with Dovey's technique Jacko is playing in his undies next week (pictured below)

Woodside held Menston to a quite low 102 with typical tight bowling from everyone except Paxy who was crap. Woodside fielding was particularly abhorrent however with several run outs missed, and several catches dropped. When Ste Stead started to bowl, fielding reached a new peak of farce with Kunz and Jackson being prime culprits. Only Nick Rank saved the day with 3 quality catches.

Woodside's batting started slowly then slowed down as JP and Baines did very little over a long space of time. Baines, strangely called in to open after last weeks no scoring farce got about 5.

Nick Rank came in and instantly became top scorer after 2 balls with two fours straight away. More runs from Kenny and plenty from Captain Kunz and Ste Stead led the Woodies to a stroll of a win with 4 overs to spare.

Menston bowled out the remaining overs and were treated to an explosive Tom Dziedzic exhibition knock, pictured below.

The mighty warriors had another dramatic win last night against Riddlesden. The Riddlers, with at least 5 first teamers and playing on their home turf, felt confident against the amateurs that are woodside, especially after the woodies slow crappy start.

Both Brian and Baines (who looked likehe'd given up now that he got Kunz for a golden duck last week), went cheaply, and although Dovey and Jacko steadied the ship the run-rate was pathetically slow. It looked like Jackson had spent too long with dziedzic as he nurdled out 13 overs for about 2 runs (ok 20ish). The only bright spark was new father Dovey spanking a glorious 6 over clubhouse. The woodies had got only 42 runs after 10 overs.

After about 14 overs and the loss of JPand Kunz, the fightback started with Kenny and Jim's hit and hope show which produced several 6's and a spectacular 'hurricane' shot from kenny (pictured below), which involved JK spinning around on the spot and throwing his bat at a fielder for no runs.

For the final 2 overs silver haired hero Nick Rank came to the crease and spanked 20 off the last over! It took that nurdler Jacko 13 overs to get that.

The Woodies finished with a respectable 123.

When the Woodies started to bowl, the Riddlers invoked some cock and bull rule that they could only bat away from the sun because 'it was in their eyes' and thus 'dangerous'. This was possibly true but it wasnt much different to the Warriors innings. This handed the Riddlers a large and dubious advantage of not batting into the sun and having everyone who bowled them partially blinded by Nuada - all powerful sun god.

After a few early boundaries however, the Warriors started to bowl magnificently, with wickets falling regularly, (including another 2 to Jim Stead suprisingly, who should be blinded every week).

As the match came to a close, the riddlers needed 13 an over off the last 4 overs with the big guns, Jacko and Baines to finish them off. However, Baines couldn't be bothered, and gave away 3 wides in his first 3 balls as a growing sign of petulance creeping into his game since he got Kunz out first ball the other week.

But Baines held his nerve as did the Nurdling sparky to leave Woodside with a 15 run win.

Nick Rank last night accepting his man of the match award in his ancient ceremonial clan gown.

Steve Dovernor is a proud father today of new son Kit Dovernor.

Born on the 31st of May Kit hung around for along time in the womb without doing much before getting out......

Well Done Dovernor Family!

From all Woodies, even Paxy who baked this:

Artistic impression of last nights incident

During last nights triumphant Warriors win, captain Kunz was embroiled in a controversial run out row.

Kunz, acting as umpire, gave one of his own batsmen in even though he appeared to be halfway down the wicket with his bat in the air.

Help was at hand for Mr K. though as Jim Stead said,' I thought it was in Richard, although I was furthest person away and I was looking the wrong way'.

The Guiness book of records has been in contact with statitician numbers man Baines for confirmation to be entered in the worst sporting decision ever category .

Vice Captain Tom added, 'It looked out to me and I'm in Holland'.

Former Captain Kunz was out last night FIRST BALL with a most embarrassing of golden ducks as St. Marks crumbled against a Warriors team emboldened by the lack of Tom and Paxy.

The million pound ball by Baines sent one of the bails into space which is currently being tracked by NASA in case it hits the International space station.

Top bowler Baines is currently considering his career as in his words 'I have scaled the height's now cricket does not get better than this, I may go on Britain's got talent like Susan Boyle'.

A village in Bhutan has already built a golden statue (pictured above), to commemorate the occasion.

Kunz looks back at his stumps yesterday

The third string Woodside team cruised to victory against a St. Marks side full of ringers.

St. Marks were left chasing an impossible total following a batting masterclass by the Stead boys who smacked Kunz and co around the park willy-nilly. Aided by Nick and his sister Jeanette and the ever reliable 'Extras', the Stead brothers made up for Jacko, JK , postie Mick, Tidswell, Andy Norris and Dave Hartley (who all did f**k all).

With only 7 regulars and 2 people who hadn't played for over 20 years, and lining up against a team full of ringers, the Woodies new opening bowling attack of Ricky T and Noz again got a wicket a piece to put St. Marks under pressure. As the runs mounted so did the wickets especially as Ste Stead bowled 2 in his first 2 balls.

As the innings closed stand in keeper Baines, took off his pads to deliver 2 great overs and one devastating ball the annihilated Kunz's middle peg and won the Woodies the match by 8 runs.

Stand out preformances from Ste Stead (batting and bowling), Jim (batting) and Jeanette (batting and bowling despite 20 year lay off), saw the Woodies home with style.

The scoreboard and stats page is up and running with the usual statistics, and now with added good and bad comments.

The mighty warriors started the new early starting season with a win last night thanks to an awesome batting performance from Tom.

Wicket-keeper Tom made a rare appearance as opener with Paxy and proceeded to thrash the ball around the ground with Jim's new bat. At one point, the ball flew towards the boundary at a breakneck trundle only to be stopped by an elderly fielder thus depriving Tom of an ultra-rare 4.

Tom's lightning innings was ended with a brave catch after he thrashed the ball 6 foot in the air to silly point. The Polish one's blitzkrieg ended with an astonishing 8 runs from 6.2 overs, a run rate of 1.3 per over and left Airedale reeling.

Paxford batted bravely in Tom's wake and declared on 27 trying to make up for the fielding he was going to do.

Dovener and Jacko's mate nurdled their way through the innings, leaving the big runs to be scored by Kunz, Jacko and Jim (who continued the hit and hope style we've come to expect).

117 of 18 overs was a decent score for Airedale to chase and they looked like the might worry Woodside with some early 6's. However, quality bowling from Jacko, Kunz and Kenny (who has started to bowl on the same length pitch as the rest of us), reigned them in.  Suprisingly, Jim Stead doubled last years wicket haul with 2 wickets completely forgetting his crap form from last year. Dovenor got tonked for 20.

Ste Stead's figures may have been better but for woeful fielding from the boy Paxy who dropped at least 2 easy catches. The other flame haired hero Kunz, successfully caught a catch off Jim's bowling.